How do you know Darryl Strawberry's wife is a righty? He can't hit lefties.

What cost Dwight Gooden $5,000, but had one calorie? Diet coke.

What division is Len Bias playing on now? Six foot and under.

What do flowers and Len Bias have in common? They both die two days after they've been picked.

What do the New York Knicks and an ugly pimple-faced kid have in common? It's almost impossible for either to score.

What's big, black, fat, and frozen? Refrigerated Perry.

Why did Dwight Gooden give up so many walks last year? He liked freebasing.

Why did the battered wife decide to live with the New York Knicks? They don't beat anybody.

Why did the Mets trade Dwight Gooden to the Chicago Bears? Because they wanted a coke machine next to the Refrigerator.

Why was the Polish athlete thrown off the Olympic team? They found traces of Pepsi in his urine.

How did the Speaker of the House introduce Gerald R. Ford? And now, here's the latest dope from Washington.

What did Corazon Aquino say to the old regime as she kicked them out of the Philippines? On your Marcos, set, go.

What do Democrats call farts? Republican breathalyzer tests.

What do they call an ex-president who likes to suck cock in Mexico? El B.J.

What do you call rich people pissing on you? Reagan's trickle-down theory.

What do you have when you take a '73 Chrysler, yesterday's pastry, and President Reagan? An old Dart, an old tart, and an old fart.

What has eleven legs and lives in Cape Cod? Ted Kennedy's family.

What's the difference between Howdy Doody and President Reagan? You can't see Reagan's strings.

What did the tired asshole say after a long shit? I'm all pooped out.

What do you call a mushroom that parties? A fun-guy.

What don't you ask a woman drinking coffee at a mastectomy clinic? "One lump or two?"

What famous murderer killed his victims with jellied meat? Son of Spam.

What kids' cereal has little scrotums in it? Cap'n Crotch.

What's the definition of a sensitive man? A guy who doesn't make his girlfriend blow him after he butt-fucks her.

What's the definition of busy? One set of jumper cables at a Puerto Rican funeral.

What's the difference between a Porsche and a porcupine? A porcupine has pricks on the outside.

What's the dirtiest thing ever said on TV? "Ward, weren't you a little rough on the beaver last night?"

When does a Puerto Rican become a Spaniard? When he marries your daughter.

Did you hear about the new Japanese Jewish restaurant? So sue me.

What do you call a big-nosed pancake-maker? Aunt Jew-mima.

What do you call a group of racist Jews who toast bagels on people's front lawns? The Klu Klux Kleins.

What is a Jewish bird call? Cheap, cheap, cheap.

What's a wrench? A place where Jewish people keep horses.

What's Jewish, leads a nation, and has cream cheese all over him? Menachem Bagel.

What's the difference between a JAP and a toilet? The toilet doesn't follow you around after you're done using it.

What's the difference between a Jewish woman and an Italian woman? Italian women have real orgasms and fake diamonds.

When does it get really hot in a Jewish bedroom? When the air conditioner breaks down.

Who says "Mazel tov Bing Bing Bing!"? Ricochet Rabbi.

How do you know Davy Crockett was a racist? He wore coon-skin caps.

How do you play poker in Howard Beach? Two clubs beats three spades.

How does the Ku Klux Klan go surfing with Negroes? They hang ten.

What did the police artist sketch when a woman described the man who raped her as being blond-haired, blue-eyed, and well-dressed? A nigger.

What do you call a black girl's vaginal crust? Velveeta's cheese.

What do you call an Ethiopian woman with a vaginal infection? A quarter-pounder with cheese.

What do you call blacks who read Lord of the Rings? Tolkien Negroes.

What does a black man call his ideal woman? Gorilla my dreams.

What is the opening line of the Black Theatre production of Hamlet? "To be, or not to be, that be the question."

Why did the white man bring blacks to America? Because the Indians weren't good joke material.

gross joke

Did you hear about the new video game called Don King Kong? Two gorillas fight each other while Don and the white woman wait in the limo.

How did the newspaper report the death of the founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken? Colonel Sanders Kicks the Bucket.

What are N, O, and P? Mary Beth Whitehead's next three kids.

What do you call a crooning cartoon character who ricochets off walls? Sheriff Bing Bing Bing Crosby.

What do you call the wife of a dead president who lays in the desert waiting to suck off Arabs? Jackie Oasis.

What do you get when you cross a Japanese artist with a dead fat Broadway actor? Yoko Coco.

What do you get when you put 1,000 monkeys in front of 1,000 typewriters? The staff of the New York Post.

What movie stars Diane Keaton in search of well-hung mechanics? Looking for Mr. Good-wrench.

Why did Alpo hire Lome Greene to do commercials? They found him lying in his office licking his balls.

Why did Maria Shriver marry Arnold Schwarzenegger? Because they are trying to breed bullet-proof Kennedys.