What did the tired asshole say after a long shit? I'm all pooped out.

What do you call a mushroom that parties? A fun-guy.

What don't you ask a woman drinking coffee at a mastectomy clinic? "One lump or two?"

What famous murderer killed his victims with jellied meat? Son of Spam.

What kids' cereal has little scrotums in it? Cap'n Crotch.

What's the definition of a sensitive man? A guy who doesn't make his girlfriend blow him after he butt-fucks her.

What's the definition of busy? One set of jumper cables at a Puerto Rican funeral.

What's the difference between a Porsche and a porcupine? A porcupine has pricks on the outside.

What's the dirtiest thing ever said on TV? "Ward, weren't you a little rough on the beaver last night?"

When does a Puerto Rican become a Spaniard? When he marries your daughter.